Why You Feel Behind: Overcoming Comparison & Finding Success

Do you ever feel like everyone around you is richer and more successful? Seeing seemingly perfect lives on social media can be disheartening. Colleagues traveling, classmates driving luxury cars, and acquaintances dining at Michelin-starred restaurants can make you feel inadequate, like you’re constantly chasing after everyone else. If you've experienced this, you're not alone.

Personal Experience: A Setback and Recovery

In 2020, I was preparing to graduate from university with plans to study abroad. I had secured a spot at an American school, booked my flight, and arranged transportation. However, a sudden illness, retinal detachment, threatened my vision. Emergency surgery and a year of treatment followed.

Two years later, my vision stabilized. While relieved, I realized my plans had fallen apart. Studying abroad was no longer an option due to the potential eye pressure fluctuations during flights. Meanwhile, my peers were earning master's degrees and starting successful careers. I felt like a failure, overwhelmed by the perceived gap between myself and others. Despite knowing I should only compare myself to myself, I couldn't help but feel inadequate and suffocated by the success of others. This leads us to the question: how can we stop comparing ourselves to others and overcome the feeling of being behind?

Understanding and Addressing the Comparison Trap

If you constantly feel like you're falling behind, earning less, and generally less successful than others, let's explore how to overcome this mindset. Is there inherently something wrong with this mentality?

1. The Illusion of Wealth: Luxury Items

How do you determine if someone is wealthier than you? It's often based on their possessions, like cars, houses, or expensive meals. However, it's essential to remember that luxury items make you look rich, but they make you less rich.

A luxury car might give the impression of wealth, but does it generate more income? Consider the "investor" mindset. Instead of spending money on depreciating assets, focus on acquiring assets that generate income. A cheap coffee shop sold at a bargain price, or an affordable rental property that will create cashflow are examples of good investments. Spending money on things that make you look cool may not be the best use of your finances, especially if you are still building up the basis of your wealth.

2. Separating Perception from Reality

It's easy to see someone driving a sports car and assume they are wealthy. However, consider if they might be renting it or struggling to make payments. Just because someone projects an image of success does not always mean that is what is really happening.

• Appearances can be deceiving.

• Focus on your own situation, not on the perceived success of others.

I had a high school classmate who drove an Audi as a student, but he is now struggling financially. So, the exterior doesn't always correlate to internal fiscal health. Don't judge financial situations based on what you see.

3. Inner Wealth: The Power of Skills and Planning

True wealth resides within you, not just in your bank account. This is not simply positive thinking. Even with limited resources, skills and the right plan can pave the way to financial success.

Consider the example of someone like Jensen Huang, CEO of NVIDIA who previously worked at a fast-food restaurant. When you have a solid skill set or a plan for achieving financial success, your true wealth lies within those abilities and that vision.

• Having a valuable skill that is difficult to replace is the start to wealth.

• A well-defined plan for financial growth is critical.

The idea of a plan is what gave Huang the basis for what he would become. Focus on building skills and creating opportunities for financial growth.

4. Defining Your Own Success

When you feel behind, ask yourself: do you even want what they have? When I had recovered from my eye surgery, I was grateful that I was healthy. However, while I was thankful for those who had stable jobs, I didn't want to be in the engineering industry. If you don't desire their path, why envy their achievements?

5. The Joy is in the Journey, Not Just the Destination

We often envy those who seem to have amassed wealth. However, the true joy lies in the process of earning it. I used to think that earning a million dollars would drastically change my life, but when I finally achieved that goal, I learned that the amount itself was less important than the experiences and lessons learned along the way.

• The process of wealth creation is the true source of satisfaction.

• Focus on helping others and enjoying the journey.

Earning a lot of money is great, but the freedom of choice and the ability to help others are far more significant.

6. Shifting from Limited to Infinite Game Mindset

It's positive to focus on improving yourself, but that can fall flat if you're constantly comparing yourself to others. The core problem is using a "limited game" mindset to a "infinite game". A limited game has fixed rules and a clear winner, like basketball. An infinite game has no set rules and the winner is simply the one who keeps playing.

Life is an infinite game. Avoid comparing yourself to others using limited game metrics like salary. It doesn't mean you've lost. As long as you keep playing, the game goes on. So, instead of feeling discouraged, embrace the journey and focus on continuous improvement.

Recap: Key Takeaways

1. Luxury items: They make you look rich but make you less rich.
2. Perception vs. Reality: What you see is not always what it seems.
3. Inner Wealth: True wealth lies in your skills and planning, not just your bank account.
4. Define Your Success: Do you even want what they have?
5. The Joy of the Journey: The process of wealth creation is more important than the end result.
6. Infinite Game Mindset: Life is an infinite game, so keep playing!