Introduction
Hello everyone, I'm Eric. In this video, we'll delve into the concept of self-esteem, exploring what it means to have high, low, or even zero self-esteem, and how these levels can affect one's confidence and behavior. We'll examine the definition of self-esteem and how it differs from what we commonly perceive.
Defining Self-Esteem
To keep things concise, we won't delve into the historical development of self-esteem as a concept. Simply put, self-esteem is how you perceive yourself. Do you feel valuable? Do you believe in your abilities? Do you like yourself? While the definition may be straightforward, its implications are vast.
The Spectrum of Self-Esteem
Zero Self-Esteem
What does a person with zero self-esteem look like?
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They believe no one likes them.
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They feel incapable and worthless.
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They avoid challenges and new experiences.
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They internalize negative feedback and criticisms, retreating into self-pity.
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They dislike social events, fearing rejection unless they can control every detail and are sure to be perfect.
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They dismiss compliments as insincere.
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They might set unrealistic goals, only to reinforce their feelings of inadequacy.
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In relationships, they prioritize their partner's happiness above their own, believing that's the only way to be liked. They might even accept poor treatment, feeling they deserve it.
100 Self-Esteem
What does a person with excessively high self-esteem look like?
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They consider themselves the best, believing nothing is beyond their capabilities.
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They crave attention and constant validation.
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They view healthy criticism as personal attacks.
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They pursue risky endeavors without hesitation.
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In relationships, they disregard the feelings of their partners.
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They never admit fault, viewing it as a sign of weakness.
Healthy Self-Esteem: The Fish-Flavored Pork (Yu Xiang Rou Si) Analogy
To better illustrate a healthy level of self-esteem, let's use the analogy of the dish Yu Xiang Rou Si (fish-flavored pork).
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A healthy Yu Xiang Rou Si knows its worth, priced fairly based on market conditions, not excessively high or low.
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It acknowledges its spicy and sour flavors, confidently appealing to those who enjoy them while accepting that it's not for everyone.
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It doesn't take criticism personally, learning and improving from constructive feedback.
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It can handle sarcasm or ridicule with composure.
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It's open to experimentation, like using different vegetables, but maintains its core identity.
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In relationships (e.g., with Swiss cheese fondue), it's willing to compromise but won't completely change to become something it's not.
A healthy self-esteem involves:
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Affirming your own value.
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Recognizing your strengths and weaknesses.
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Responding to setbacks and criticism in a balanced way.
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Maintaining independent thought while considering external opinions.
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Respecting your own needs and the needs of others in social and romantic relationships.
Analyzing Behaviors Through the Lens of Self-Esteem
Let's return to the examples presented at the beginning:
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Showing off brands and name-dropping: This might be overcompensation, a need for external admiration.
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Dismissing others' opinions: This could indicate a need to assert superiority.
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Downplaying others' achievements: This is often done to diminish others.
These behaviors, especially when exhibited together, suggest low self-esteem.
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Crying after being reprimanded: This may stem from perfectionism, fear of abandonment, and difficulty managing negative emotions.
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Over-helping: This can be a way to seek validation and be liked.
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Avoiding asking for help: This reveals a fear of rejection and perfectionism.
Again, these behaviors combined point to potentially low self-esteem.
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Self-Esteem vs. Confidence: Two Distinct Concepts
It's important to differentiate self-esteem from confidence. They have different focus. A person with low self-esteem can be confident in a particular area. A famous example is autistic savants.
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Low Self-Esteem, High Confidence: Someone who had a negative childhood experience can grow up to be a successful public figure and have confidence in their skills but still feel inadequate.
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High Self-Esteem, Low Confidence: Someone who comes from a wealthy background can be highly confident in themselves but have a great fear of failure because they're untested.
The "Doormat" Phenomenon: Understanding Excessive People-Pleasing
The term "doormat" describes a person with low self-esteem that causes them to ignore their own needs to gain the approval of someone else. They seek validation from the outside.
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They may be excessively eager to please.
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They may be worried about abandonment.
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They may be overly reliant on a partner to validate them.
This behavior can stem from an anxious attachment style, which causes them to overly value other people's opinions. They constantly seek reassurance and feel that they need to constantly earn the love of their partner.
People who turn into "doormats" may not be truly in love with their partner, but simply fixated on the fact that they want to control them.
Concluding Thoughts
Remember, self-esteem is not a fixed trait. It fluctuates. It can be high, low, or somewhere in between, and these levels don't define your worth. Self-esteem is variable.
Finally, if you are struggling, remember that there are more than seven billion people. If your love life is not going well, it is OK, because you only need to succeed once.
I hope this video has provided a new perspective. I wish everyone the best and will see you in the next video. Goodbye.
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