The Complexity of Trauma and Healing
Trauma leaves lasting scars, and no amount of building a successful life can make that pain disappear. When working with traumatized individuals, it's common to see them create amazing lives while still carrying the emotional baggage of their past. The "kid" from their traumatic experiences can resurface at unexpected times, often triggered by certain situations or interactions.
This is because the neuronal wiring associated with trauma remains in place, even as a person builds confidence and authenticity. It's a common misconception that confidence and authenticity are faked; in reality, they are genuine expressions of a person's growth and resilience. However, the wounds from the past can still be pressed, causing the old pain to resurface.
The Adaptation to Trauma
When we experience trauma, we adapt in order to survive. Some children adapt by becoming invisible, while others become successful as an antidote to their shame. These adaptations are coping mechanisms that help us deal with the pain, but they don't necessarily heal the underlying trauma.
The complexity of trauma lies in the fact that we can be confident and successful in our daily lives while still carrying the scars of our past. We may not feel insecure or unconfident at home or in private, but that doesn't mean the old wounds have healed. Triggers can still cause the pain to resurface, even when we are aware that certain behaviors or actions will not lead to happiness.
Understanding the Healing Process
Healing trauma is not a linear process. It's not about reaching a state of complete happiness or confidence; rather, it's about acknowledging and addressing the pain and wounds from the past. One of the biggest mistakes we make is assuming that building something good will remove something bad. Just like adding sugar to a glass of water won't remove the urine, building a successful life won't erase the trauma.
Healing also requires emotional awareness and regulation. We need to be able to recognize and process our emotions in order to heal the underlying trauma. This involves going back to the moment of trauma and dealing with the emotions that were present at the time. It's not an easy process, but it's necessary for true healing.
The Role of Identity
Our sense of identity is closely tied to our experiences, both positive and negative. Traumatic experiences can shape our identity in ways that are difficult to overcome. If we believe that we are damaged or unworthy, it can be difficult to change our behavior and our lives.
To heal trauma, we need to develop a new sense of identity that is based on our strengths and our potential. This involves challenging the negative beliefs that we have about ourselves and replacing them with positive ones. It also involves taking action to build a life that is consistent with our new identity.
The Importance of Awareness
One of the most powerful tools for healing trauma is awareness. By becoming more aware of our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, we can start to identify the patterns and triggers that are causing us pain. We can also learn to respond to these triggers in a more healthy and productive way.
Awareness also allows us to see the world in a different way. It helps us to understand that our problems are not unique and that others have faced similar challenges. This can give us the courage and the strength to keep going, even when things are difficult.
Conclusion
Healing trauma is a long and difficult process, but it's possible. By understanding the complexity of trauma and the role that it plays in our lives, we can start to take steps towards healing. This involves developing emotional awareness and regulation, challenging negative beliefs about ourselves, and taking action to build a life that is consistent with our new identity.
It's important to remember that healing is not a destination; it's a journey. There will be setbacks and challenges along the way, but by staying committed to the process and by being kind to ourselves, we can overcome our trauma and live a happy and fulfilling life.