The Rise of Emotional Experts and the Commercialization of Intimacy
This article explores the growing trend of seeking emotional expertise in China, particularly concerning marriage and relationships, and examines the societal pressures and anxieties that fuel this industry. It also delves into the parallel world of Pick-Up Artists (PUA) and how these trends reflect a broader shift towards emotional capitalism.
The Anxiety of Marriage and the Emergence of "Saintess"
Marriage anxiety has become a prevalent concern in modern society, especially for women. The term "Saintess," referring to unmarried women over 27, has emerged to describe those who are considered past the average marriage age. This anxiety has fueled the rise of emotional consultants and trainers who claim to help women "get off the hook" by packaging and selling advice through various platforms.
The Female-Focused Approach: Evolutionary Psychology and Mate Value
Many emotional experts targeting women, such as Aya Wawa, promote the idea that love is a carefully calculated value matching, based on evolutionary psychology. According to this view, women must improve their "mate value" and reduce "paternal uncertainty" by being gentle, sweet-tongued, and less ambitious to gain a man's trust and investment. This approach translates descriptive research results into prescriptive packaging, often overlooking the impact of social environment on women's strategies.
The Business of Emotional Consulting: Industrialized Solutions
Marriage counseling companies, like the "F company" mentioned, operate with a business model that emphasizes learnable abilities and standardized processes. They categorize client needs into four categories: getting away from being single, self-improvement, maintaining marriage, or returning to a previous job. The founder, Mr. C, refers to this as "close relationship consultation industrialization," where consultants follow pre-designed templates to advise clients.
Why Women Seek Help: Gendered Expectations and Economic Realities
Women primarily seek help from emotional experts due to societal expectations and economic factors. Women are often taught to prioritize family and are expected to take on emotional labor in relationships. Furthermore, divorce presents higher risks and costs for women, particularly those who are housewives without independent financial resources. The focus on individual solutions often exempts the male partner from taking responsibility for the relationship's problems.
The Homework of Emotional Recovery: Self-Improvement and Emotional Management
Emotional recovery involves a thorough self-improvement analysis, where consultants guide clients to review their family history and identify problematic love patterns. Clients are assigned "homework," including emotional diaries, happiness lists, and exercises, along with reading self-help books. This process often frames relationships as a test or game that must be won, using theories like evolutionary psychology as mere tools.
The PUA World: Masculinity, Consumerism, and Anxiety
Parallel to the female-focused emotional counseling industry, there exists the world of Pick-Up Artists (PUA), which targets men. While some PUA cases involve extreme manipulation, many ordinary men seek PUA training to improve their social skills and find girlfriends. This training often emphasizes a transformation of appearance, the construction of a high-value social media presence (Demonstration of Higher Value or DHV), and practical exercises in online and offline interactions.
The Illusion of High Value: Consumerism and Social Mobility
PUA techniques often revolve around portraying an idealized male temperament based on consumerism. Young men without economic capital attempt to compensate by cultivating "cultural capital," or "B格," through PUA routines, hoping to signal wealth and status. However, this pursuit can lead to anxiety as they constantly monitor their social media engagement and worry about the authenticity of their connections.
The Cruel Optimism of PUA: A Desire for a Good Life
Many PUA students acknowledge the benefits of the training in improving social skills and confidence. However, some harbor reservations about recommending the course, fearing judgment from potential partners or acknowledging the limitations of these techniques in overcoming socioeconomic barriers.
Shifting Perspectives: A Generation's Skepticism
Younger generations, particularly those born after 2000, express a growing skepticism towards marriage and a wariness of the emotional labor and potential risks involved. They adopt a more cynical or detached attitude, prioritizing personal well-being and financial security over traditional romantic ideals.
Emotional Capitalism: The Commodification of Intimacy
With rising divorce rates and a declining interest in marriage, society has entered an era of emotional capitalism, where emotions are evaluated, negotiated, and traded. Emotional counseling has become a commercialized industry addressing the fragility of intimacy, but it often reinforces the need for constant self-improvement and performance in relationships.
The Need for Emotional Education and Beyond
The article concludes by highlighting the need for emotional, sex, and gender education to address the root causes of relational anxieties and inequalities. While emotional experts and counseling services may offer temporary solutions, a broader understanding of emotions, healthy relationships, and societal pressures is crucial for fostering genuine connection and well-being.
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