Rethinking Goals: Achieving Fulfillment and Connection
Goals are often approached in ways that lead to misery and frustration. This article explores how to redefine your relationship with goals, aligning them with your deeper self and creating a life of enjoyment and ease. The key is to use goals not just for achievement, but as tools for self-discovery and connection.
The Problem with Traditional Goal Setting
Many people have a negative relationship with goals, either feeling oppressed by setting too many or avoiding them altogether to maintain a sense of freedom but feeling lost. This stems from goals often being misaligned with our true desires and values.
Redefining the Purpose of Goals
The primary function of a goal isn't necessarily to be achieved; it's to prompt the right questions. A goal focused on deep intimacy in a relationship will inspire very different questions than a goal of simply maintaining a "good" relationship. Goals can open up creativity and unlock potential.
Alignment is Key: Internal and External
Internal Alignment
It's critical to ensure internal alignment with our goals. If our mind, body, heart, and even past trauma all have different "goals," we create internal conflict.
External Alignment
A well-aligned company uses the same data for internal operations as it presents to the board. Creating data solely for the board suggests a misalignment, indicating the company isn't focused on the metrics crucial for its own success. Goals should be built from the wants of the people involved.
Goals: Top-Down vs. Bottom-Up
Goals can be effectively set from the top-down (CEO sets the vision) or the bottom-up (teams define their objectives). Regardless, alignment around those goals is essential. When goals originate from external pressures rather than genuine desire, they become difficult to achieve.
Navigating Friction in Goal Pursuit
Friction is an inherent part of pursuing meaningful goals. Constructive friction can be a sign of growth and engagement, while destructive friction can lead to burnout and abandonment of goals.
Identifying Authentic Wants
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Question initial desires: Our brains often immediately affirm stated goals, but we need to dig deeper.
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"Wanting to want": Do you actually desire the goal, or just the idea of desiring it?
Delve into the needs behind the wants. For example, the desire for \$12 million in revenue might stem from a deeper need for security or a desire to make a difference. Framing the revenue goal as a strategy to achieve impact shifts the perspective.
The Paradox of Goal-Lessness
Deep self-awareness can lead to a "goal-less" state of being, where the focus shifts from external achievements to intrinsic motivation. Goals are then seen as tools for exploration and growth, not as measures of self-worth. The freedom to see that the goals are not who you are.
Goals as a Litmus Test
Your relationship with goals reflects your relationship with yourself. By examining how you approach goal setting, you can gain insights into your deeper wants and needs.
A Gentle Approach to Goal Setting
- Expressing Heart's Want: Each year for Thanksgiving, a family talks into the phone and says what are their goals for the next year.
- Set and Forget: There's no hardcore process. The tape is reviewed the next Thanksgiving.
- Living Intentionally: Expressing your heart's want allows you to know your intention and live into that intention as if it's happening right now.
Principles, Goals, and Metrics
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Principles: Define how you want to be in any area of life.
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Goals: Orient you toward a desired direction, aligning with your principles.
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Metrics: Provide feedback on your progress, not a definition of the goal itself. The principle is how you want to drive the goal, the goal is the north star and the metrics of the dashboard let you know how you're doing.
Beyond the Goal: Embracing the Journey
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Achievement often surpasses initial goals, leading to unexpected growth.
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The journey, with its challenges and transformations, is the true value.
The Importance of Shared Goals in Business
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Lack of shared goals in a business can lead to misalignment and hinder success.
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Clear goals promote alignment and a sense of teamwork.
Relating to Goals with Love and Wonder
The key is to approach goals gently, with love, awe, and wonder, rather than being defined by them. Failure to achieve a goal should be seen as an opportunity for learning and growth. Is your goals helping you feel more connected with yourself or not?